Sunday, August 29, 2021

Parenting Dilemma I

 

Here's the story of the most powerful man in Hollywood. He was born in Minneapolis and spent all his childhood living in that 'mixed neighbourhood'. He went to the public school and wore second hand cloths, his father was the product of economic depression and talked plainly about money. The man recalls his father asking him to bear half the cost for everything he wants such as bicycle or a pair of running shoes, if he left the lights on, his father will show him the electricity bills and tell him that he's being lazy, not putting off the lights and that his dad is paying for his laziness. But if its for work then 24 hours of light isn't a problem. 

Beginning of 
every winter in he would go up and down the streets of his neighborhood trying to get the commitments from the people who wanted their driveways cleared of snows and during the fall he would switch it to raking leaves. He would get the jobs and contract each of them out to other children in the neighbourhood. He remembers inspecting each job to make sure they are done the way customers wanted and pay the money on cash immediately. This he says is the surest way to make those kids work hard, then he would later collect from the families. By the age of eleven he had six hundred dollars in the bank, all earned by himself (that was in the 1950s). At sixteen, he worked in his father's scrap metal business which was dirty and too physical, he says it's too hard, and he couldn't get the smells off him. Today he thinks his father has done it on purpose to motivate him to do something more.

In the College he ran a laundry service, picking up and delivering dry cleaning for his wealthy classmates, and organized student charter flights to Europe to earn. To save money he lived in a bad neighborhood in Brooklyn while he attended business and law school in New York, he went to see basketball match with his friends and sat in a terrible seat obstructed by pillar and wondered what it would be like to sit in the premium sit outside.

After graduation from business and Law school he got a job in Hollywood, which led to bigger job and even bigger job, and side deals and prizes and strings of extraordinary success that he now owns a house in Beverly Hills the size of aircraft hangar, private jet, Ferrari in garage and every luxury of life. He has made a great name for himself, one of his brother took over the scrap business and prospered and another brother became doctor and built a thriving medical practice. His father has produced three hard working, motivated and successful sons.

The successful man from Hollywood becomes parent. He had children he loved so dearly and wanted to provide for them more than he had, but he has created a complete contradiction, and he knew it. He was successful because he had learned the long and hard way about the value of money, meaning of work, and fulfilment that come from making your own way. He understood money because he was given thorough education in its value and function back in the streets of Minneapolis, he says nobody taught him that but came through blood and sweat. His own success has made it very difficult for his kids to learn those meaningful lessons the same way. Children in the Hollywood neighborhood do not rake the leaves in the neighborhood, watch basketball from behind the pillar or pay half of everything they wanted. He concedes that wealth ruin the lives as they lose ambitions, self-worth or pride. His kids go to the best schools, watch basketball from the court side and have everything that they never learn any valuable lesson. Now the man from Hollywood says he is not the parent he wanted to be because he is too rich and that is his problem.

What makes the powerful man from Hollywood not the parent he wants to be? He once said; people are ruined by challenged economic lives as well as by wealth, it's difficult at both ends of spectrum. He's right, Malcolm  Gladwell says. It's hard to be a good parent if you have too little. Poverty is hard and stressful. If you work two jobs to meet ends need, it's hard to have energy to spend evening time with kids or read at bed. If you are single parent, it sure will be hard to keep a home running and maintaining consistent love and attention. That much is obvious.

Now did anyone say money makes parenting easier? No, not the man from Hollywood. He was facing the issue as Psychologist James Grubman calls the Immigrants to wealth, and this in turn causes the 'Dilemma in Parenting'. Malcolm  Gladwell puts it as a 'Limit Setting' by parents and now the issue those immigrants to wealth face is the choice between 'no we can't vs no we won't'. No we can't as Gurdman says is much easier, he sometimes says the parents have to only say once or twice because your child will realize what can happen and what can't happen, that's exactly the man in Hollywood grew up with and learned in the streets of Minneapolis. Now when you switch to 'no we won't' the real issues' comes, if you say no we won't directly, psychologists say the kids will say come on you have everything and you are barring us. This won't create a healthy family. Or you will need consistent values to go by every day or a great articulation to say we won't in a consistent matter aligned with own values. The man from Hollywood submits that he can't do that and Psychologist Gurbman agrees to it saying it is difficult especially when you have a Ferrari in drive way, a private jet and house in Beverly Hills. 

In this case how would you teach hard work, be independent and meaning of money to the children who look around and realize they never have to work hard or be independent or know the meaning of money, as an adage in Spain goes he who doesn't have does it, and he who has it misuses it.

Consider the exceptions...

The whole story is an extract from Malcolm Gladwell's book David & Goliath Gifted by Dr. Adrain Chan.  

Friday, June 30, 2017

Doklam and Social Media Hype " Not a good combo"

The building of the road into Doka La/ Doklam, a disputed tri-Junction by PLA (People’s Libration Army) towards Bhutanese Army camp in Zom Pelri has brought about a lot of views within and outside the country. The incident caught the attentions of the Indian Media houses like a wildfire Hindustan Reports, the Hindu Reports]while the western human right activists sympathise the act, but Bhutanese people especially anonymous social media users gained a hot ground to politicise the position to publicise their hidden agenda political and personal while common people expressed their genuine concerns. Surprisingly the media houses in the country maintained their silence for whatever reasons it may be.

Exact location of Doklam
Personally, I feel it’s politically and morally incorrect to start a political hypocrisy and mud sliding taking advantage of such situation. The forum seems saturated with all cooked up stories, immature confrontations, conspired hypothesis and of course some worthy points, which I gladly take note of.

Historically this problem prevailed ever since Chinese took over of Tibet occurred in 1950’s, towards the dawn of 1960 Bhutan withdrew all its bilateral ties with Lhasa, closing doors with China and sided with the big brother to the south. Portions of the land bordering China hang about un-demarked ever since, 24 rounds of border talks were held with China between 1984 and 2016 without a concrete outcome and it may last until it’s resolved, hopefully, sooner. All correspondence with Beijing is done through New Delhi Embassy as we don’t have direct bilateral ties to the north, therefore almost everything that goes around on social media is laboured in Indian media houses and not all from embassies.

The reality of the moment is, tense has heightened at the tri-junction and Royal Government of Bhutan has issued a press release through Ministry of Foreign Affairs for upholding of the STATUS QUO of the area under conflict in line with the border agreement signed between the two countries, which is a clear sign of government’s immediate push for a peaceful negotiation and successful resolve of the issue through a more diplomatic route whilst we must know international relations do not go a layman’s way. There’s no doubt any government under the benevolent guidance of His Majesty the King would prioritise resolving border issues to the north at the earliest for international peace and of course the well-being of people on both ends. 

The hue and cry makers on the social media must know that the national interest lies above party, politics or personal agenda, therefore, it would be so wise on their part if they could use alternative approaches like enquiring with licensed media houses, relevant agencies or humbly approach the government through phone, social media or personally to clear their doubts if genuinely concern rather than being so opportunist with agenda and media on finger tips. A small country like ours deserve more socially constructive citizens and not disruptive ones, I do not mean I am being constructive but I am not the other one either.

One thing I am not sure why the media houses maintain silence, hopefully, its for a good cause but the causes of social media pour down could be down to it, if otherwise.


Note: this is my personal take on the issue especially on social media pour down and not of the institution I work for or my profession, and I must make it very clear that it’s written with all good intention and nothing else, in case it hurts or cause any undesired problem to an individual or institution please forgive me, it purely unintentional and a complete coincidence.

Monday, May 1, 2017

THE UNSUNG MALI (Happy Teachers Day)

With the arsenal of sagacity,
And intention nobly borne,
Two hands-the teachers and the taught-
Sing in harmonious unison.

And the teacher sweat all through,
Until the task all done.
The guru is a fine tree to woo,
More than the jewels of this earthly sojourn.

They water, care and protect,
Until the boughs spread aloft.
Back they seldom take,
Save memories dearly loved.

So are the teachers unto students,
Like MALI’s tireless hand,
Set at work day one thence,-
Lest they trail into no man’s land…!

 ..................Here are my Gurus to whom I shall remain indebted eternally


Miss Tshering Lham my Class teacher during my pre-primary and 1st Grade

Lopen Ugyen Drukpa my Dzongkha teacher during Primary Classes
Mrs. Tenzin Wangmo, class teacher during my 2nd and 3rd grade



Mr. G.R Nirola, my English and Geography teacher during Primary and LSS level
Mr. Sonam Chogyel, Principal and History tutor during High School. A perfect Fatherly figure, you are no less than a father to me sir.
Mrs. Rinzin wangmo, class teacher during High School. A lady who had the greatest impact on my overall personality, the person who had known me more as a sister than anyone else.
Mrs. Dechen Choden, History Lecturer during my college days and a constant guide there after.
Mr. Tashi Gyeltshen and Mr. Ratan Rai, my mentor and focal person during my practice teaching @SLSS
Mr. Jose KC, a perfect synonym of inspiration...
Dr. Ganesh Man Gurung my geography lecturer and teacher friends who taught me the life and its reality
Geography friends and Mr. Hari Hara, the man who introduced me to the college life
........Thank You All and Happy Teachers' Day....
# the Mali here is a reference to a gardener in Hindi terms. This is the reproduction of my tribute to the teachers across the world who sets their tireless hand in molding the innocent hearts like Mali’s tireless hand,  published in the personal Helicon 2012.

Monday, April 17, 2017

IELTS (International English Language Testing System) In Bhutan.


Avoid this PaNiC at all cost
IELTS is the Abbreviation of International English Language Testing System. Everyone I met in the last couple of years especially the urban folks either talks or know about this international standard test, while I had no clue until recently when I got myself registered for the test at a friend’s insistence. I had limited time and did not know what to do for some time but the wisdom of experienced friends and the superior internet connectivity really helped me prepare and perform. Considering the period of panic and blankness I underwent at the start I thought of sharing the little I learned from this experience.

Test Format:  There are two versions of the Test, 1. Academic Test 2. General Test. Both test tests all of your English skills- Speaking, Listening, Reading, and writing to reflect the real use of English for study, Work and play and its graded uniquely on a 9-band scale.  Since I took Academic Test I will focus on Academic test and formats, I am told that if we plan Diploma courses or vocational training in English speaking countries we can opt for General Test but for Undergraduates or postgraduates we are ought to take the Academic Test. The main difference is the writing and reading part. Speaking and Listening are same for all but in regard to writing and reading, I am told that its bit easier for the General module.

 Registration: All you need is a Xerox copy of your valid Citizenship card or the Passport for registration along with test fee (around Nu. 11,000-12,000 changes frequently so check it online) the test can be taken anywhere in the world but mind you verify the authenticity of the test centers. In Bhutan, there are two authorized centers 1. Institute for management studies (IMS) website: http://ims.edu.bt/ 2. Royal Institute of Management (RIM) website: http://www.rim.edu.bt

Test
Reading: For much Bhutanese, this is the toughest task as we lack reading habits. Three long passages with 40 tricky questions in a matter of an hour actually test you from all holes. Remember there’s no time separately allotted for transferring answer so consider doing it immediately and exactly in 1 hour. The reading techniques like skimming and scanning are a must asset here as you don’t have the luxury to go word by word and mind you it checks your comprehensive power and doesn’t ask for your narration in the end. 

For questions like paragraph headings and information matching just read the first sentence as this is the information sentence and holds all you are searching for. There’s one question that’s not familiar to Bhutanese education system i.e. Yes/No/Not given or True/False/Not given questions. Yes/true means information matches with content in the passage and not your personal view or prior knowledge, No/False denotes the information in passage and question doesn’t match and not your view and finally Not Given means what’s asked in the question is nowhere in the passage.
You will be marked based on the number of right answers you wrote and there are no negative markings so, never leave a question blank, at least write something. I did exactly the same here; I couldn’t finish up some questions so I wrote YES for all Yes/No/Not Given questions and later I realized that I have 3 right responses from my game with luck. There’s no harm in trying your luck but only when that’s the way out.

Writing: writing isn’t a tough trial for Bhutanese as ours is a culture where we do relatively more writing than reading and speaking. You need to write two essays in a span of an hour. First is a descriptive essay reporting the information you are presented in a form of a graph/table/numbers. All you need is translate the data into words and make few comparisons, DONOT include your personal views or hypothesis, save it for the second one; just describe what you see in 150-180 words. The second one is either a discussion essay or argumentative essay usually on current affairs or open-ended topics on varying subjects in no more than 250-290 words. Make yourself thorough with the essay formats, don’t worry you will find the unlimited resource online. Use the variety of vocabulary; include personal experiences and creative ideas.

Be expressive and manage the time judiciously, allot no further than 20 minutes for task 1 and 40 minutes for task 2. Use at least 5-10 minutes for planning as it saves a lot of time when you have plans in a logical sequence you can write well and fast saving a lot of time and scoring higher. Always keep time for a review because when you write against time you trend to make lots of silly mistakes affecting your overall scores greatly.

Speaking: The speaking module last for around 11-14 minutes conducted separately and consisting of an introductory session followed by three parts, they normally ask for our name and checks nationality and cards. The real test begins with audio recording and questioning. In part one they usually ask simple conversational questions like our personal experiences, likes and dislikes for around 2-3 minutes. In my case they asked me about my home town and if I have any plans to live there or move out. Part two is also called as cue card session they usually give us a paper containing a topic and a pencil. They provide us 1 minute to prepare and ask us to talk about the given topic for around 2 minutes followed by few follow-up questions. Part three is the toughest one as it involves discussions on abstract ideas based on a cue card or can be anything. All the questions are pre-written and across diverse field and topics, so only luck may give you a topic of your choice. We must have a good speaking culture to score well in this area. The scores are based on our fluency and coherence, structure (grammar) and vocabulary (Lexical resource) in our store and pronunciations’. The best way is to listen to the questions carefully and respond logically using a variety of vocabulary, avoid repeating the words and use as many synonyms instead and try to correct yourself anytime you make a mistake like sorry/ I mean to say/pardon me etc it carries mark. The only area you can CHEAT is by making excuses while you seize the time to think Example: you may say oh! It’s a tough question/I never thought of it/it’s something I need to think hard etc. By saying so you indirectly organize your response simultaneously at the back of your mind. I had a tough time with Doma Thicken tongue so, it’s wise to stay away from this culture of ours.

Listening: This is a task that lasts for exactly 40 minutes, 30 minutes of listening and 10 minutes of transferring the response to the Answer sheet. The test consists of four sections and 40 questions. The first section is the easiest and 4th section the toughest, each candidate is provided with a head phone and a volume controller before the real test begins examiner plays some recordings to check the head phone and to adjust the volume for oneself. Make sure everything works before a real test because once the test begins there’s no consideration. First sections normally is a conversation between two people asking for personal details/filling up a form/ making a reservation etc. the second section too is more or less a continuation of the first part or a social conversation usually a monolog or a conversation involving two to three people. The third section usually involves a group of three, four or five people engrossed in an academic discussion, its one tough test for nonnatives. Finally, the last section is a lecture section or continuation of the previous session typically spoken a bit faster by a lone speaker. All the answers are in order of the recordings so don’t lose track, in case you do please don’t panic and move on with next one you still have 39 more questions. You can always guess or try your luck as there’s no negative marking. Make predictions and read the next questions every time they give you time to review.

Listen to a variety of accent like British, Canadian or Australian; familiarize yourself with different accents by listening to BBC news, Sports commentaries, take online mock tests or the provided materials, my weekends over EPL (English Premier League) helped me get past this with a relative ease.
Some useful links:
4. http://ieltsliz.com/

FINAL QUESTION: what’s the secret to success in IELTS?

There’s no magic to IELTS success, practice is the only key

 
………………………………………………Good……………Luck………………………………………………….



Thursday, November 24, 2016

What about a literary restaurant..?



What could be a better treat than drinking and eating while reading? Necessity is the mother of all invention, so a saying goes. This thought struck my mind when my plan to transform Dorokha into a small literary home failed miserably.

A year ago I got inspired, proposed and finally materialized a small public library in Dorokha with around 500 books received as generous help from Writers Association of Bhutan, Mr. Ngawang Phuntsho, Mr. Passang Tshering, Mr. CB Rai and all others kind supporter. A little over a year from its inauguration I have around 450 costumers of which 85% constitute the students.  Sitting in my book café I watch people prefer bar over books, get drunk rather than divine, spend so much on drinks overlooking the books and my little free service dedicated to 1. National Reading Year 2015 2. 60th Birth Anniversary of the great Forth and 3.To keep reading habit alive.

As my dream faded further and my book café became a little abandoned book museum, I got to make a second move. I love a cup of tea to treat my times over books while some may prefer a cold drink, or some may love books over food or why not drinks? No wonder some great writers were notorious drinkers such as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hunter S. Thompson, and John Cheever, to name a few LOL.
 
As a business opportunity and a new approach to promoting books and reading culture I have planned to loan out(cost free)the café to an enthusiastic educated and unemployed youth. So the person could established a literary restaurant which could earn a little more than living for the person, my café will have a permanent librarian and my café turned abandoned book museum will have visitors finally.

This is a small trial I am planning in a very small and secluded place like Dorokha but I foresee a better success in a town like Thimphu and Phuntsholing where literacy rate is almost 100% and number of intellectuals outnumbers the whole population of Dorokha Drungkhag. City like Thimphu caters all needs for youths and adults alike but not for book lovers except for a black coffee the Junction Books offer.


NOTE: hope somebody takes it up as a business and a new approach to promoting books and reading.